DV Awareness Month with Sandra F
October is the Domestic Violence Awareness Month. This episode, we have Sandra, a brave woman who wants to share her story and to let others know that they’re not alone in their battles.
Getting to know Sandra
Sandra is a 49-year old now and was married for fourteen years to her highschool sweetheart. The marriage was quick since they already knew each other from when they were high school. He was Sandra’s prince charming and their marriage life was beautiful.
Seeing the Signs
Sandra saw signs of domestic abuse about eleven to twelve years into their marriage. He slowly started gaslighting and became verbally abusive to the point of becoming physical.
There were little signs here and there throughout their marriage but since Sandra thought he knew her husband well, she didn’t really mind the little attitude slip-offs.
Her husband wanted her to stay home with the kids instead of getting a job. She thought it was a fairytale at first but eventually Sandra realized that it was him being manipulative. After the divorce, her husband took everything.
He convinced Sandra to sell her house and use the money for their retirement fund. Sandra conceded and agreed to get a new insurance policy, she later found out that the insurance isn’t in her name.
She was given the access for all the passwords and she was able to see what’s in there, but at the end of the day, her name wasn’t in it. Her husband just took off after the divorce.
After losing the court hearing for his plea to lower down child support, he sold his house and left his job. He also emptied his bank account and just left. That was the last time they saw him.
All these experiences lowered Sandra’s self-esteem. It didn’t happen at once, it started out with his little mean jokes.
The Breaking Point
Sandra always put herself last and she’d always jumped for him. She basically did everything for and drops everything for his family.
She felt ignored by her husband as he puts his sister’s interests and her children first, instead of his own family.
Sandra talked to him about it and he just snapped. He shoved her and dragged her by the wrist.
This was Sandra’s breaking point. The emotional and physical abuse was just too much. It wasn’t the marriage and happy family she wanted for herself and her children.
Sandra also saw a therapist for what she was going through, for her inability to say no and for her lack of boundaries.
It took her time to finally get the courage to report him to the authority because she didn’t want to ruin his career. Sle let it on for a while until it was too late to report him.
Breaking Free and Moving on
A light bulb went off and she didn’t want to keep repeating the cycle to her kids. She needed to break free and move on.
She looked for a job and worked again. With no one holding her back anymore, she was able to put up her own small business. The reviews and all the growth slowly empowered her.
Sanda received help from many people including a psychiatrist. The doctor helped her see the problem and helped her through it.
There’s always somebody you can reach out to. There are support groups, your family, and other people who are facing the same struggle.
It’s always best to have an escape plan.
Her kids went to therapy and they learned to speak up. They learned to be brave as well.
Everything happens with a reason but it’s also helpful to really look out for the red flags.
We are God’s daughters and He doesn’t want to see His creations hurt in any manner.
Episode Resources
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