Love Bombing - What is it? How can it be bad?
Have you heard of Love Bombing? To be honest with you, I didn’t know what love bombing was until I started learning more about domestic abuse. After leaving an abusive marriage, I was afraid that I might make the same mistake of getting into another abusive relationship. And along the way, I learned about Love Bombing. It is one of the red flags you should watch out for in a relationship.
So what is it?
It is basically flooding a person with lots of adoration and attention to the point of overwhelming the partner. Love Bombing is not just an initial infatuation feeling everyone gets, it’s not really Love and it’s not safe at all. Love bombing is one of the red flags you should watch out for. It makes you feel good and loved because a love bomber literally bombards you with flowers, sweet messages, overwhelming attention, even with “I love you” ’s even when you know you just started the relationship a week ago!
It probably makes you feel like the relationship is going just too fast. He puts you on a pedestal and tells you that you’re who he’s been looking for and he can’t live without you. A love bomber does not respect your boundaries either. If you feel uncomfortable with what he’s doing and if you feel something is “off”. It probably is. It is one of the manipulation tactics and it is connected to narcissism and abuse. This is a red flag you don’t want to ignore.
Why Love Bombing is a red flag?
Well, you know, as I mentioned earlier, it really feels so good to be paid attention to, and appreciated and “loved”. That’s for sure. That’s why many women feel like “yes, He is the one! He’s my soulmate!” Right off the bat. He’s going to tell you all what you want to hear (flattery), does stuff you want to do with you, brings you flowers and gifts sometimes longer than just the initial infatuation period. But love bombing is different from healthy love relationships. As I mentioned earlier, it is done to manipulate and put power and control over you. It is definitely connected to abuse. He’s luring you in under his control, he does this until you’re trapped under his control. .
So what should I be watching out for?
Remember Love Bombing is to manipulate and control and comes with a price. His motive isn’t to love and protect you.
So here are some examples:
* Showing up at your house, work, or gym unannounced to “spend time with” you
* Pressuring you to do things you don’t want to do
* Making you feel guilty for saying no and setting boundaries
Keeping a tab on your whereabouts for the sake of “protecting” you (so he says)
Making you feel guilty or get angry for spending time with family and friends (because he says “I want you to spend time with me!”
Making you believe other people are the “bad guys” and you need him
Many Love bombers could be narcissists but not all. Some can truly be showing genuine emotions but they may just be so desperate for love and their love may be showing in unhealthy ways turning into stalking behavior. Stalking is one of the abusive behaviors you want to watch out for.
So the bottom line is that pay attention to the signs of love bombing. Know that it is NOT Love.
Love takes time. Yes, I get that people do get infatuated in the beginning of a relationship. But as you cultivate the relationship with the person, infatuation wears off and true love emerges. Love takes time, you know?
If his behavior is making you feel: uneasy, like being smothered, unsafe, uncomfortable, and just yuck, that’s a huge alarm for you. If you’re concerned that his behavior is escalating and becoming abusive, it’s time to decide whether you want to stay in the relationship or not. (I do hope you’re saying “I’m running!”) And seek outside help or at least talk to a trusted friend. DO NOT keep it a secret.
You can check out the domestic abuse resources for additional guidance and references here: https://mikisturges.com/dv-da-resources